This is probably the only post I’ll write about you, actually, to you. Take these as my last words since “I shall fuck off” are perfect for dramatic effect but they hardly sound apologetic.
I don’t know if this post is going to be entirely about you, I might wander off in the middle.
I’m not asking to be forgiven. I’m just saying that I’m sorry. No more pretending, no more back talk, no more blocking. It’s just a sorry. Throw it away if you like.
I changed. We’ve talked about ‘change’ at length, I remember. Countless hours spent on justifying that it isn’t growth but a disassociation of sorts, a feeble excuse for erratic behavior and disregarding all that is holy. And I changed.
I hope the person that I became wasn’t actually me. I was a pathetic, selfish, desperate, vile creature. Do you realize vile is just an anagram for evil? And so is live but I’m guessing the latter was more of a coincidence.
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, “evil”. No wait, “vile”. I could have reacted better. I could have done a lot of things a bit better. But I didn’t and that’s what mattered. I became ‘Gollum’ from LOTR, a pathetic creature clutching fiercely to the last vestiges of an erstwhile great friendship.
I know that you don’t care and you probably shouldn’t too. You’re done, I understand. It’s the end of an oddly weird era. This isn’t a last ditch effort, just so you know.
I’m sorry. I failed you. You trusted me and I failed you. Yes, I’m quoting Alfred here but it seems so apt. Batman is more relevant than one might think.
I hope you are well. And Happy Birthday in advance, way advance.
They say the pen is mightier than the sword but then, a sword is never reconciliatory, so where does that leave us?
On the way to Mordor, I suppose. I might give walking there a try.
The song is Waiting on a Friend by The Rolling Stones.